dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
