Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize