About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
