If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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