that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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