Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
