dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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