the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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