i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
