you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
