thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So drunk its hurt
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
