Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
