But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
