its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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