Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
