Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
