Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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