remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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