And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
