so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
