why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize