New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
