i already hear my dad disowning me
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
