don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize