Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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