Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
