That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
