Where did you get a picture of my penis
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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