ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
