my soul wont recognize me after tonight
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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