did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
