no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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