11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
