Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
