Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
