Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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