i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
