Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
