You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
