Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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