I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
