Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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