I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
