She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize