I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
