Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
