After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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