hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
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