I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
