your parents love me but you hate me
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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