I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
