The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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