Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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