Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
