When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize