Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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