im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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