..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
