I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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