i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
