8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
