we're chasing vodka with high fives
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
