More tranny stories later!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
