Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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