WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
be right there i have to get my cape
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
