Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
