My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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