so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize