I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
