we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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