I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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