I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
