I faked an abortion last night.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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