I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize