I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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