Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize