Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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