There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
