i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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