DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
