You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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