right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
