you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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