You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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