i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
